silence is compliance 18

There will be no silence

Worries… June 4, 2012

As I sat down to write this, I worried. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to think about anything to write about. I worried that if I managed to actually write something it would suck. I worried that I was posting on here too much. I worried that I wasn’t posting on here enough. And those were only the worries about the post! There were also the unrelated and constantly on my mind worries: My family was going to be injured. I was going to fail in life. I was going to be injured. My cat hates me for getting a new cat. My sister hates me. Those are only a few of the things I was (and still am) worried about. In reality, I am constantly worrying about something going wrong or being messed up or me doing something dumb or just something terrible happening.

One of my biggest worries right now is debate camp. Debate is kind of my life. I love it and I am extremely excited for camp. But, I am also extremely worried. I am worried about so many things too. I guess I should give you a little bit of background on the camp first. I am going to a camp that is 9 hours away from my home. I will be going with my sister, although we will be in different divisions at the camp. The camp we are attending only has one division of Policy the first session so she will be doing that, then advanced the second session. I will be doing intermediate the first session and advanced the second. I am nervous about doing the advanced camp because I do not think I am ready for it (my coach said I was though… I think he overestimates my ability). Also, for the advanced camp I have to write cases before camp. I am really nervous that my cases will be terrible, or that I will run out of time and procrastinate too much, or that I won’t have enough research, or that my cases will simply be crushed by competitors that are better than me. All of these things I am extremely worried about. I am also worried that I will not make any friends and I will just be awkwardly alone when I am not around my sister, or that everyone will already have friends from their school there and I will be alone during the LD sessions. I am also worried that my¬† parents will not get the forms ready in time and I will not get to go. Overall, I’m just really nervous about debate camp.

Another thing I am worried about right now is my family’s vacation. We are going to Yellowstone National Park. My family fights a lot which bothers me, so I am worried that we will do nothing but fight the entire time. My parents are a lot more athletic than my sister and I so I am worried that they will get mad if we don’t want to walk like 7 miles to see a rock or something. I am worried that my cats will fight or get lonely when we are gone. I am also worried about the drive there because it will be very boring to be in the car for such a long time. I am worried that it will be rainy when we want to see things so it will not be fun.

My final biggest worry right now is school. I am a high school student going into my sophomore year and I have a lot of summer homework. First of all, summer work is the stupidest concept ever created. We get a break once a year that is consistently getting shorter. Explain to me why I should have to do work over summer. I have 2 books I have to read for Honors English II. One of them is boring (The Life of Pi) and the other is about a girl in a work camp (First They Killed My Father) which will be really sad. I have no interest in reading either of these books, but I have to… and I love reading! Why do we have to read such terrible books?! Then for AP Euro I have to read a book and write like… 35 paragraphs about it. Finally, I have to do a packet for Honors Geometry. Granted, I am taking harder classes… but still! Sorry for that rant about school; I will now move on to the point: I’m really worried about my summer work. Like, when I think about what I have to do, I completely freak out. I was legitimately sitting in a movie theater with my friends getting stressed about it. I am worried that my teachers will not be happy with how I am doing it. I am worried that I will procrastinate too much and never get it done or procrastinate not enough and completely forget what happened in the books before school starts and when we discuss it look like a complete slacker. I am worried that I won’t understand the books. I am worried that I will not have enough time for all my school work or that my teachers will be bad and not teach me enough. School is always a worry of mine but I am really nervous about this year.

Okay, so now you know everything I am worried about (okay, so really less than half but I thought this was plenty to illustrate my point.) But do these worried help anything? Will me worrying about my family fighting make us not fight? Will worrying about my debate skills make them better? NO! So what is the point of me worrying? I suppose I could go read my books and write my cases now, but I honestly just don’t want to. I would rather write blog posts and read YA Romance novels for now. I got out of school 2 weeks ago, but I am already worrying. But why do people worry so much? I really don’t know the psychological answer and I may be completely be off base but this is what I think. I think people worry as a warning sign. There are times when worrying is very useful. It is useful to worry about crossing the street so that we are careful not to be hit by a car. It is useful to worry about your cookies getting burnt so you make sure you set the timer to make sure you take them out in time. So many times, worrying is completely useful. However, people take it too far. We get to the point where we worry about everything too much which leads to more worrying. Sometimes we do nothing but worry all the time. And we know it’s not useful; we know it’s harmful; we know it leads to nothing beneficial, but we worry anyway.

So, I am going to try to stop worrying and just enjoy my summer break. I hope that I can! If not, I guess I have cases to write!

P.S. I do have a plan for doing all of my work; I’m not a complete slacker! During my long car rides (I have 6 that are nine hours or longer) I will read my books and write my cases.